| Self Esteem |
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A Mantra for Self Esteem and Power January 24, 2005 A Mantra For Reclaiming and Preserving Confidence and Self Esteem Unless there is serious damage to the central nervous system, every human being is born with a set of inherent and remarkable qualities and capabilities. Having on average more than a hundred billion smart neurons in the brain, and all “talking” to one another, sorting out and storing incoming uncountable bits of information about the environment and the world, each new person has potentially genius intelligence. Added to this is the intuitive urge for trading affection and love - these are the earliest languages for well being and a foundation for validation, confidence and success. The human child has a vast hunger for curiosity and discovery; a vast potential for creativity; unlimited courage and spontaneity. These are naturally necessary for survival, learning and mastering one’s circumstances. The new babe is naturally motivated by these inherent urges and, unless stifled by thoughtless conditioning behaviors by the bigger one’s in the child’s social circle, never needs to be “taught” motivation. All these qualities (and more) make every human being naturally treasurable, beautiful and a delight. Topping this delicious sundae is the cherry: Uniqueness. Science has long recognized that there are no two electrons alike in the universe. The new human being is like no other. She or he is one of a kind; unique. This means that each new child, and every one of us, is important and valuable. Just as a pebble dropped in a pond makes ripples that touch every part of the pond, each one of us has this ripple effect in the world. Our individual uniqueness is like a garden. Well tended it flourishes and benefits every garden it borders on. Ill tended, one’s personal garden effects decay on its neighbors. It follows that each one of us is important and valuable, despite what you have heard or the way you may have been treated. More than this, our human specie, in particular, is an evolving entity. The human experience is what I call “the unfolding story of humankind.” Our each uniqueness contributes to that unfolding story. This is the grand plan of nature. She loves uniqueness for it furthers the viability and strength of the evolving line. The goal of this evolution can be said to be perfect function and perfect rationality, perhaps perfect morality. Since we are organic and ever changing, “perfection” is both unattainable and un-necessary. Yet this is what motivates religious faith as well as the scientific drive to understand natural phenomena. It is the fulfillment of one’s uniqueness - the pursuit of what one loves to do, one’s “calling” - that fully and naturally contributes to that unfolding story. This pursuit is the one, constant basis of happiness. Why don’t we typically experience this joy? In society, in its cultures and structures, in its institutions and its families, even in its most intimate relationships there is an old habit of oppressive conditioning. The habits of over control,. domination, emotional irrationality, the habits of bias, warped thinking, of stereotyping, scapegoating, habits of labeling and negative judging, of abandonment and alienation (all of which are the basis of such oppressions as racism, anti Semitism, sexism, homophobia, classism, war, childrenism and the like), of abuse, bullying and intimidation, and many more damaging effects; all of this can be listed under the title of “Oppression.” The habit of passing on these oppressive hurts from one new generation of young ones to the next is what perpetuates the societal affliction. I discuss the origin of oppression and both its social and organic effects in a forth coming article to be found in this Healing forum under the title of “Life, Love, Health and Happiness; Understanding and overcoming the painful effects of socio/emotional conditioning.” Every new babe coming into society encounters the practice of these conditioning habits. There is still more good stuff and influence than bad conditioning in society. This is why we still exist as a specie. Yet the damaging, conditioning habits effect a stifling inhibition on the operation and blossoming of our inherent qualities and capacities to varying degrees, depending on the severity of the conditioning habits in one’s family and social circumstance. While we are still in our young, childhood years, the conditioning effects accumulate and finally overlay our intuitive connection to our naturally healthy and motivating qualities. This conditioning swamps our conscious perspectives: our ideation, behavioral and emotional patterns. It finally shapes our belief systems of self and the world. There is hardly anyone who escapes this conditioning, some less, some more. The basic effect of the damaging conditioning is a deeply seated, chronically habitual, negative ideation about one’s worth. In one or several ways we are conditioned to feel and think there is something wrong with us: we are not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not pleasing enough, not capable enough, not equal enough, not lovable, guilty of everything,, not worth doo-doo, do not count or some other awful invalidation. This painful ideation and feeling, that most of us keep repressed as long as things seem to be going alright but flood up from the depths when something gets triggered off (some of us experience this condition on the surface most of the time, we call this depression or anxiety or obsessive/compulsive, or ADD, or PTSD or “borderline” disorders and such). Any or all of this requires a real and patient commitment to healing, especially facilitated by someone(s) who is capable of non-judgmental, patient listening and is able to be trustworthy and skilled enough to make it safe for a person to open up, to help a person to open up. It is my fervent hope that all of us seek out such support. Professional counseling arose out of the habit of non-listening that exists endemically in society, but I hope the reader will learn form this and other sources how to teach one’s self and others to practice the trading of facilitative listening. We’d have a healthier, safer, less conflicted and dangerous society, and a happier one. Of course, many “industries” tied to human distress, illness or suffering would have to find other means of creating profit, but we are all creative and able to do that. In the meanwhile the following counterdirection, mantra, if you will, will greatly assist anyone willing to practice it as a persistent and constant commitment. This mantra is designed to help reclaim one’s confidence and self esteem. It does need to be thought, said aloud when it is safe to do so, regularly; upon waking, during quiet moments at work or play, at night, even during one’s sleep (after enough self practice and internalization). This persistence is needed because the invalidation was laid in during the development period of life and is deeply entrenched and associated with how one’s psycho/behavioral life “role” was shaped. One can teach the mantra to a partner and both can take turns to practice it, to listen to one another and share with one another memories and thoughts that may come up; that have long waited to emerge and get purged, “detoxified” from one’s psyche: The mantra of self esteem and personal power ‘Despite my devout belief to the contrary, I am fully valid. Because I am a one of a kind, unique human being, I am important and valuable. Those who have invalidated me were hurt themselves, and with this shroud of hurt before their eyes could not see my worth and value. I reclaim my inherent intelligence, lovableness, beauty, goodness, capability, my joy, my confidence. and my right to speak my mind and release my true feelings. I promise to reclaim my quality and power, over and over again, in the face of any oppression and pressure to abandon it. I promise to do this persistently until such time that this self validation has erased the oppressive messages in my mind and has reliably reasserted its place in my psyche and my life. I am smart, beautiful, lovable, loving, affectionate, capable, creative, courageous, expressive and a delight.” Use a confident tone when you think and say this self validation and power direction. It may feel hard, or silly, to do at first. That’s fine. Laugh or express your anger, tears or embarrassment, even fear. This is the natural detoxification of distress that needs release in order to get to greater freedom in using the direction. If any of the descriptors (smart or beautiful or the like) feels more uncomfortable or brings up more feelings than the others, focus in on that one especially, and focus less on the others for a while.. This is where a big chunk of the chronic hurt is buried. Good luck. When my message board is back up and running I welcome your contact and feed back.
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Re:Self Esteem
Mar 09 2010 20:11:44 Low self esteem is a symptom, of an unresolved self image issue, within our own life. About what we feel that we deserve in life. And yes, there are many different experiences that each individual has, their own unique conditioning, that contributed to this low sense of self value. All our individual experiences and their effects, adds up to our self expression in life. And those that were suppose to love us and want only the best for us, were the ones that used and abused and conditioned us to feel the way that we do. Getting beyond this training is not easy, full of high emotional content and denial. But if one persists with processing back through all of the emotionally charged events in one's life, then it is possible to get beyond this way of perceiving one's self. After all, we each are the only ones that live our life, know what has happened to us and how it has affected us.
Processing must be done within a now time frame of understanding, as a neutral, third party observer and without guilt or blame. Just observing what happened again, everyone's role in it, the feelings that were felt by each and without judgment. Then allow it to rest, it can't be forced, allowing your self time to unconsciously process the information gleaned. This is not the end of it, for it takes a long time to become conditioned and it takes time to over-lay it with new conditioning.(our own now opinion) And each time we become conscious of again acting out a symptom of low self esteem, of which there are many, revisit the cause in the same manner. Remember that those that conditioned us, were acting out what they themselves experienced, but were not strong enough to end it. Over time it will begin to resolve its self within our lives, as our new now perspective and understanding, gains strength. The act of catching our self each time we are doing what doesn't work for us and then embracing our own opinions and feelings about what happened, will continue to reinforce and strengthen the healing. In time, symptoms will no longer be act out, within our self expression in life. |
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